Martha Stewart versus The Real Woman
Martha's Way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar
cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the
cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your
feet up, eating it anyway.
Martha's Way: To keep potatoes from
budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Women's Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in
the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's Way: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan,
use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white
mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Women's Way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for
Martha's Way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still
cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt
for an instant "fix me up."
The Real Women's Way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking,
that's too damn bad. Please recite with me the Real Women's motto: I
made it, you will eat it, and I don't care how bad it tastes.
Martha's Way: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the
refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
The Real Women's Way: Celery? If it doesn't have calories, why keep
Martha's Way: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking
to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Real Women's Way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not
include brushing egg whites over the crust - so don't do it.
Martha's Way: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub
it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Women's Way: Take a lime, cut it in quarters and rub it on
the rim of a tall glass. Put lime in glass, fill with gin and tonic,
and sip until the throbbing goes away. (Repeat as required).
Martha's Way: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex
dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars
The Real Women's Way: Go ask the cute neighbor to do it.
Martha's Way: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice
cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
The Real Women's Way: ........Leftover wine?
Thanks, to David, living large
in St. Augustine J