Big Daddy's Kitchen

Tall Tales and Anecdotes

 
 
Top 10 Ways to Tell if You're Being Stalked by M***** S*****
 

10. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they're all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.

9. That telltale lemon slice in the dog's water bowl.

8. On her show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen-over licorice downspout and the stuck half-open graham cracker garage door.

7. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon, rose petal and saffron demi-glace, with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce.

6. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you leave the bathroom.

5. You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded into a swan.

4. No matter "where" you eat, your place setting always includes an oyster fork.

3. Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by doilying.

2. You find yourself in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice.

1. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.

Found posted in another forum by Diamond Lil

BD's Kitchen    Tall Tales Index

Copyright Big Daddy's Kitchen 1994 - 2017